"Feel your left ear."

Last night I was in a group doing this exercise. After that we were asked why we feel the ear at that location, there as we felt it and not at the nose area, not in the air, no where else but there. Different answers popped up from the group, one said because we pay attention, one said because we have the idea that ear is at that area. However, these answers didn’t hit onto the answer the questioner was looking for until one person replied that it is because of the sensation.

It is very strange that how come one question can have multiple answers? It is not until I argued what I answered is right that I get the realization. Our answers are based on which word we pick up. The one who answer about sensation pick up the word feel. I pick up the word left. The manner we pick up any specific word again depends largely on our habit and temperament. People who are more senses based pick up things based on feeling. People who are more logical based pick up stuffs in terms of logic such as direction and location.

In a way, the questioner also plays a role in posting the question accurately and precisely because different people pick up the meaning differently. When an ambiguity question was asked, a confused replied will be received. A pre-conceived idea of what the answer should be is also quite limiting. If a person is only seeing things through his own ideas, many things will be categorized as wrong, and self-righteousness arises. Arguments and battles could be a result and the holding on on ‘I am right, you are wrong’ will become very strong.

With this understanding, the mind become more receptive on how sometimes, what we are trying to convey get a different outcome. It is all because of the listener pick up only those things that are familiar in their domain. It is not surprising that misunderstanding and conflict arise from this. And also, this way of listening in fact limits oneself from the truth that is universal. We are actually operating in a very pre-defined and limiting way, which is unique to ourselves and gave us the unique experience which differs from each other.

By knowing this, it stands a chance to be more compassionate and acceptance to the others. On top of that, it also opens up the consciousness to experience something that is out of our usual and habitual way of experiencing things. A door opens up.

Why is it so difficult for oneself to choose love? It is very strange that many are advocating love, but to the other many who do not yet understanding this, choosing love is an uphill task which most of the time seems impossible.

What I can get is that there is no awareness when the choice stands in front of us. We don't even realised that we stand the chance to choose love rather than the others. And as a habit pattern operates in its usual manner, we choose other thing than love.

I have given myself a chance to choose love. I challenge my mind to choose love at every situation and when meeting anyone. It will be fun to see how the mind falls back to its usual pattern and observe how the wisdom direct the mind to choose love on the way I look at things when awareness comes into play.

I failed when I started to play this game. When one of my engineers done something wrong, I raise my voice and express the anger, though I didn't scold him but at that moment, I forgot about the challenge I place on the mind and failed to see that this is a lesson.

So I see that the mind react so automatically. The so called failure is yet another opening to be conscious again to the incessant operating pattern that always fall into hatred and ill will. For it allows me to see that even though I wish to choose love in every situation, when the real test come, the mind falls into its previous pattern.

Being thankful to the realisation, I continue with my journey of choosing love in my way of perceiving the world, in all my action, speech and thoughts.

Whatever that happened around me, did affect me, no matter how much I think I am immuned to it.

I thought that I am not staying with my mother since year 2001, and her moving to a new house with my second brother is ok for me, and won't affect me much. But what happened is not what I expected. When they moved into the new house on Saturday, which is about a 20 minutes to half an hour drive from where I am staying now, I felt certain kind of lost and uncertainty. It is as if some part of me is being ripped away.

I never thought of I will be having that kind of feeling. I always think I will be fine. When things didn't happen, I won't know. Maybe this is a lesson that I need to learn, never ever judge too fast before I really experience it myself. Maybe it is also a good way for me to realise how I have cheated myself all the while with my hard shield and pretentious of nothing is going to affect me. What a stupid egoic attitude.

However, because of that, I come to appreciate those who are present in my life, like my brothers and sisters. I come to realise that they show me a gift with their presence. Each one of them, come with a beautiful gift that is waiting for me to recognise and appreciate of. Without this incident, it might took me longer years to notice it. But now, I am in deep gratitude for what is there for me.

There are always some lessons that come with changes. With awareness, willingness and readiness to see, I will be able to receive all the gifts there is for me.