Remembering

How frequently have I given my power away to anger, jealousy, anxiety, grief, anguish etc and feel myself too small, too powerless, too useless or too worthless for anything?

Every time I indulge in these negative emotional state, I gave up my power, feeding the negativity and belittle my self.

What an amazing creative power to come out with such wonderful plot and conspiracy to make me forget myself. What an amazing infinte being I am to create such wonderful game.

Now, time to remember that I created all these as a game for me to forget myself. The fun part of the next level of game kicks in now. A game of remembering who I am, as an infinite being, as a being that create all these, the illusions in the world. How to remember? Re-create the game!

Remember, I am the infinite being that create this world! Every moment stands a chance to re-create and be the One that I am really are. Be conscious, aware and mindful! The world is mine for re-creation! The One of Mighty Power, and Presence of God!

Beautiful Heart

I have a beautiful heart,
A heart that radiate kindness, gentleness and love.
I accept all beings that come to my life with a smile.
I open up my arms to receive,
with joy and peace,
with freedom and harmony,
loving all, accepting all.

I enjoy having a beautiful heart,
which is able to touch another,
connect and communicate freely,
expand and expand and expand,
touching everyone with a soft breeze,
leaving a trace of softness,
uplift the others to higher vibration,
with joy and gentleness.

Come! Let's have a beautiful heart.
Joining with others in whatever way possible.
And let's make it a world with beautiful hearts.

Who is there?

The mind has been wondering and thinking much. It has been fulfilling its function well by thinking and thinking and thinking. There is not much else the mind could do except doing what it should be doing.

Interpretation is another function that the mind is well adept. Whenever the eyes meet with an object, be it another person or another phyiscal form, the first thing it does is interpret according to what it believes. It is so obvious and automatic. I did it all the times.

When I saw some one, they could be some one I know or some one I meet for the first time. If the person is some one I know, I will interpret this person according to whatever exprience I have with him/her previously. If that person makes me feel great, the encounter will always be accompanied with happy feeling and desire to be together more. However, if the person has caused me to feel pain and hurt before, the interpretation will always be this person is terrible. When this happen, I miss the opportunity to be with this being, to be with whom this person is. What I am with this time is only my mind, my thought, my interpretation.

When the encounter is with some one whom I have not meet before, the first interpretation of the mind will be based on what I have experienced with strangers before, possibly memory of the encounters when I was a kid, a teenager, or a young adult. If I was being protected by my parents and elder brothers and sisters when I was young, I will start building a protective shield when I meet with some one new. An illusionary shield that keeps me away from feeling insecure.

It is very strange and odd on how the mind works and keep itself from being in touch with the beingness within. With all these automated programmes of interpretation, judgements, masking etc, how can I be with myself? Who I am with is just a bundle of ideas and thoughts that prevent me from going deep into the real beingness in this embodiment. What a strange manifestation of the mind and body... What a strange happening and living in this human realm... What a strange ignorance and not knowing....

Awareness to Wisdom

Learning to be aware of what is happening in the mind and body right now is not an easy task. I have been too used to just get involved with my thoughts, actions and speech without really knowing what I think, what I do and what I say. It runs on an automated mode. In a way, I am just a robot, running based on a pre-installed programme.

Having learn meditation and awareness, I come to know that being aware is actually not a difficult task. Whenever I remember, I am already aware. However, being aware doesn't mean I am able to be perfect all the time. My teacher used to tell us that being aware is just like using a torchlight, shining on what is happening only. When the place is lighten up, then only I will be able to see what is happening there.

Therefore, having the intellingent and wisdom to be there to observe and watch what is happening is more crucial. Whatever that is happening in the mind is too fast most of the time for me to catch up. And happen too frequent, the watching mind is tainted with the desire to get rid of what is unpleasant and crave for what is pleasant.

Only when there is honest awareness (now I understand why my teacher use the word honest awareness), I can observe without holding on and resistance to what is happening. Only with this supportive conditions, wisdom is allow to flourish.

Paying wise attention is another important factor to get closer to the gate of freedom. Relief that comes in when the mind understand the situation is not as important as how the mind arrive at that point. Too often, I get caught in the relief that I forgot to be aware of the function of wisdom that bring about the relief.

Now I understand what the teacher tries to tell me.

Offering only....

It is strange to notice that whenever we are giving, we are actually expecting others to receive it. When we are giving something, which can be anything from tangible objects such as money, clothes, material things, to intangible objects such as love, advice, suggestion, running in the back of our mind is always "you must take what I give".

If what we are to give is not taken by others, we will always feel bad, and worst still, we judge outselves as un-loved, we blame others as un-grateful. "How can you not receive when I am giving you with good intention?" But we didn't see that when we are forcing others to take what we give, the giving is not genuine any more.

I have a personal experience of loving some one. And I really, really hope that the person will love me too, to live with me, to take me as life companion. When the person has been backing off a bit, I have the thought that he doesn't love me anymore, and I judge myself as unworthy of being loved.

In such situation, my loving has been tainted with desiring and expecting, it is no more a pure love. If I truly love, I will still continue to love this person whether he becomes my partner or not, whether he reciprocate my love or not, and also, I will continue to love myself for loving this person.

In truth, love is an offering. No matter the other party take it or not, I am still offering, without forcing you to take what I offer or expecting you to reciprocate my love.

Therefore, standing in this space of clarity and understanding, I am still offering the love.....

Is it really equal?

I have heard a friend saying that his love is equal to every one. I didn't doubt what he said. As a being of highly spiritual, he will be able to spread equal love to every one that comes into his domain.

However, what makes me wonder is how can a person act (in such a case, in the physical form and actions) that is equal to every one? Can he show actions that is equal to his wife and his friends? I have doubt on that.

Let me quote an example. If let say his wife needs somebody's help to set up a class, will he not be there to help? When his wife needs him to chaffer to a place, will he not do so, amisdt his busy schedule? And if his wife ask for companionship, isn't he be there?

But, if another close girl friend request for the same act, will he still be rendering the same service? Will he still be there for her? Helping her setting up the classroom, driving her to the place she would like to go? Be there for her when she is alone? Will he not informing her that he is busy and putting the request aside?

Well, it might be easy to say that love is equal to every one, but when come into the reality of physical form, I suspect the truth of this statement.

I am not saying that the person should drain himself to please anyone who ask for help. What I would like to say is in this world, where form prevail, it is not an easy task to carry out all actions perfectly equal to everyone. That is what suffering is: I thought I am equal to everyone, but I am not able to be there when someone needs me.

Trust

The journey I am embarking on is a marathon, not a 100 meter dash.

I know that, but more than often, I forgot about it. And I become impatient, wanting to see results fast, wanting to be able to let go of desire fast, wanting to enlighten fast, wanting to be out of suffering as soon as possible. Due to all the wanting, desiring, I didn't realise that I actually put myself back into suffering, and the prison that keep me in the cycle more tightly than it ever have.

I am not sure how, but I am attached to many things. To get results, to progress, to compare myself with others, to want to be with some one I like, to want to be away from some one I don't like, want and don't want, want and don't want.... making the mind sway from here to there, never stop...

It is strange too to notice I am attach to some one so strongly. Why? Am I asking for his love? Am I asking for his company? Am I asking for his wise guidance? What is it that he can give but I can't give myself? Or is it just a dysfunction mind that thought I need him to be complete?

I don't know. I wish I could understand.

What I could do now is just trust, trusting that whatever happen is what is happening. I am just here experiencing what is happening, possibly due to the mind creation. And just let go, nothing much I can do physically, or to change what has already happen. But I trust, whatever comes to me, is what is best for me at that time, to learn and to grow.

Why do I do what I do?

It is great blessing to come into contact with wise teachers and guides who are able to give clear and precise information for a person's grow. I am grateful for what I have, and whom I meet, to show me and guide me along the way.

The most wonderful teacher that I encounter is the one who always challege my beliefs, prompting me to contemplate further for myself, and to see the truth myself.

Last night, in a small group discussion with my teacher, he mentioned that we have to be clear on what we are doing, why we want to do it, not just doing it because it is the instruction of the teacher, or because someone said that doing it is good for us.

Looking back to my own life, why am I belief what I belief now? Isn't it because somebody, at certain time before, told me that is good and it can lead me to peace and happiness? Is it not just an idea I buy in?

Whenever I follow, without understanding the benefit of what I am doing, why I am doing, it will come to a point that I will become disappointed and lost faith. Further than that, doing things with a blur state, the results too will be in a blur state. Only when I am clear with what I am doing, understand and wisdom can arise.

A real teacher is a teacher who prompt you and guide you to think wisely yourself, not one who ask you to follow blindly what he instruct.

Where is a real teacher reside if not within ourselves?

More Awakening

It is a habit pattern of thoughts that I have, being jealous when seeing others are better off than me, or seeing others are more capable or more evolved than I am. It is such a deep ingrained thought that haunted me for so many years, without me even notice about it.

After being in contact with my current teachers, guided and learned more and more from them, I start to recognise this habit pattern. I was happy this morning to realise that when I see there are more and more people coming into spiritual awakening, I feel joy rather than jealous as I used to be.

Indeed, there is no need to be jealous, what is the good that it brings? Nothing. The mind was so ignorance of the fact that being jealous only brings suffering to itself, and no one else. What it create is a mental state that incline to negativity. Looking deeper into it, what I see is a sense of low self-worth.

I didn't think that I am worthy of anything. So if someone else is better off than me, I have to get jealous because I don't have it. But, is being jealous able to improve the situation to better? Not at all. What it brings is a heart that shrink and closed, a mind that is so petty and limited.

I can't change anything of the habit pattern. My work is just to recognise that it has happened. To know that the thoughts appear again. I will see it through and through, recognising it again and again until I fully understand why it needs to be there. Only when I understand it thoroughly, the habit pattern will let go of me. And I do not need it anymore. Till then, I am still a student walking in the path, learning and growing.....

Passionate of what you do

I was sitting on the chair, leaning back and listening to what the boss has to say in the monthly morning meeting. He was repeating what he was sharing last month and my mind began to laugh as everyone was criticising what he said after the meeting last month.

While I was judging him, for his inability to know the employees need, little did I realised that I have fallen into the space of egoic mental state that think "I am better than him".

But when I settled down and told myself, just listen and see what I can learn from there. Surprisingly, I found that I actually get some wisdom from his sharing.

He said that we have to be passionate on what we are doing, so that every morning we don't have to wake up and think 'arghhh... got to go to work again...'. Instead, we will be happy to go to work.

I heard that before, from some motivation talk or read from some book. But this morning, it strikes another cord. I suddenly come to realisation and question myself if I am really doing something that I am passionate about? I know what I am passionate about, but I am not doing it yet.

Because of that, I am actually not honoring myself, not being honest to my own inner needs, to be happy with what I am doing. It is all because of my worries that I might not be able to bring myself to financial stability. However, is the worry true? I have no idea, and I won't be able to know unless I am willing to take a risk to be out of the work force, and start concentrating and doing what I am passionate about.

Of course, it will not be a sudden jump for me, as I am still needing to feel some kind of security before I make a choice. I am walking on my way to achieving my goal by starting a small sharing group. For that, I am gaining confidence and joy of what I am doing.

And the most importantly, I trust that the universe is forever kind to guide me and bring helpful people along the way who share the same goals and objectives. I will be able to achieve what I want, if the heart really desire it.

A day of a new born

It is time.

There are much to share, much to tell, and yet much to learn.

Every step is simply a beginning, at the same time, an ending.